Economics majors hold emergency council to tackle food point inflation

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Resounding drums echo throughout Duke Chapel, which is packed. I still can’t believe they hired the marching band for that. A triumphant but haunting marching band echoes through the building, and a procession of grim-faced students enters the stage. Suddenly, a resounding voice cuts through the music with only one word: “SILENCE”.

The echo of the music fades immediately and the students on stage quickly take their places. Almost as if guided by a single conscience, the public turns to the origin of the voice: a group of teachers seated at the back of the chapel, near the organ. They are due to preside over today’s emergency tribunal, a rare full meeting of the Council of Economics Majors, the first in more than a decade. Although the room is silent, the tension is almost deafening. Everyone in the room is aware of what is at stake and what is at stake if this meeting fails. The first student on stage gets up, steps onto the podium, and bravely opens his mouth to speak.

“What if we turned mobile controls into NFT? »

This emergency meeting is meant to deal with the rapid food point inflation that is prevalent on campus. Although food point inflation has been capped at around 4% for many years, this year the price of some meals on campus has increased by 20%. The sudden change in costs has divided the student body, with different meal plans relegating students to radically different lifestyles and social classes. Talking to ordinary students in dining halls shows just how deep the divide is, as I discovered walking around campus one evening at lunchtime.

“This food point inflation has gone way too far,” says student Rand Taylor, in an interview near the WU entrance. “Coffee prices have topped $100 a gallon and they show no signs of slowing down! I blame President Price. We need to stop relying on foreign coffee and start producing more of it on campus. I have supply chain or other issues, but why do they affect me? What’s next, a pasta shortage? If I can’t get my Il Forno, I drop out and go to UNC.

However, not all students agreed with this assessment, as I heard from student Alex Warren on the BC plaza. “Oh please. Did you go to Farmstead to find that quote? All you’ll find there is the Plan C bourgeoisie, flailing around their restore points like nothing’s wrong. If you want to hear about the common man, living food spot on Plan A, take interviews near Panda Express As for me, I don’t think Price is to blame at all – what could the President do ?”

Many departments have offered various solutions to the crisis, but nothing so far has been able to stop the meteoric rise in restaurant prices. Thwarted by hours of filibuster, the Political Society of Political Scientists’ only resolution was a suggestion that The Loop launch an armed invasion of McDonald’s. In a rare collaboration, the Department of Statistical Studies and the Mathematics Students’ Union released a statement that simply said, “Yes, that inflation rate is quite high.” Hopes are high, however, that the Council of Economics Majors will be able to channel the analytical power of crypto bros and Reddit day traders on campus to decide on a meaningful course of action and stop point inflation. supplies before the campus fell into a recession.

Now, in court, the Duke Blockchain Lab representative ends his speech. His motion to make Food Points a cryptocurrency and move mobile orders to blockchain was deeply moving, powerfully groundbreaking, and almost entirely incomprehensible. Everyone around me nods like it makes sense, and so I do the same, not wanting to seem left out. One of the moderating professors announces that this plan will be added to the list of resolutions to be voted on, and the next speaker is called to the bar.

The next two hours are a whirlwind of innovative solutions and inspiring speeches. One student recommends replacing chicken with squirrel meat at most institutions to save costs, while another suggests replacing the CMA offices at the Bryan Center with a Trader Joe’s to provide students with a variety food options. A motion to privatize WU wins an influx of support until someone points out that all WU restaurants are already privately owned. I can feel the crowd around me beating like a beating heart. The hopes and dreams of the entire student body hang in the balance in this room, and the community rush overwhelms me as we move toward a solution to fix our economy forever.

Suddenly, a lone man stands up from the audience. We all kill ourselves as he steps onto the podium. A roaring voice echoes from the teachers’ balcony.

“THIS IS NOT ON THE AGENDA. WHO ARE YOU, TO BRING BEFORE THIS COUNCIL WITHOUT ANNOUNCEMENT? »

“My name is Milton Smith. I’m not on the agenda as I’m only on campus for one night. I’m overseas this semester doing an internship at Goldman Sachs.

A silence falls over the crowd. We are in the presence of a business genius.

“Personally, I think it’s a matter of fiscal responsibility. If Duke students can’t manage their food point budget, it shouldn’t be on us. It’s time for the community to pull themselves together and do some extra work study, or be more thrifty in WU. All of this could be fixed if the student body just corrected its spending habits, and it’s not our job as economists to improve the economy.

The words echo in the auditorium. A beat passes. Then, a teacher breaks the silence with a slow applause. Soon the whole council erupted in applause; the students on stage give a standing ovation. And just like that, the meeting is over. As I rise to leave, I see hundreds of happy economics majors expressing their joy, shaking hands and patting each other on the back, congratulating each other on yet another crisis resolved.

Monday Monday lives $5 daily deals and food they earn from squirrels in trash can fights. Their column runs every other Monday, unless they run out of food points and starve.

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